By Ellen Hildreth

(said to be the most dangerous woman in Detroit)

What fresh Hell is this?

The nation’s largest doughnut chain, Dunkin’ Donuts Inc. will add 60 new outlets in Metro Detroit within five years.  There will be one on every corner not occupied by a Starbucks.

Since the three former officials of a Dearborn company accused of causing a major oil spill in the Detroit and Rouge rivers in 2002 currently live in Pleasant Ridge, Carlsbad California and Brownstown Township; maybe any sentence should involve an extended tour of the Detroit sewer system.

In San Juan, Puerto Rico, the world’s oldest man died.  So Mort Crim and Bill Bonds have moved closer to the title.

At a middle school in Troy, 6^th grade boys are being encouraged to read more books like “Dinosaurs Destroy Detroit.”  That is the story of the big three automakers.

This season’s “American Idol”—how bad is it?

In 40 years none of these people will be singing in Happy’s Pizza commercials.

Ford Motor Co. lost $12.7 billion in 2006 and it will cost them $17 billion to “realize their business plan.”

Who is doing their accounting, Paris Hilton?

Slip Sliding Away

Metro Detroiters were dealing with their first serious snow and ice of the season as usual—speeding up; braking; cussing.

Premièring February 16^th on HDNET:

Dennis Rodman’s “GEEK TO FREAK.”  He will be transforming ordinary people into Pitiful lonely has-beens like him.

“Pack your Haldol and go home.”

A Detroit man is facing up to 30 years in prison for trying to steal a female mannequin.  What?  Was “she” full of heroin?

Detroit Career Kicker

        -      Training starts whenever you show up.  Entry Level, earn while you learn.

               Email: anybody@DetroitSchoolBoardSuper.edu

-          No computer skills?  No driver’s license? No teeth?

       We want you.

       Grunt ‘n Scratch Security Guards

       -      Receptionist . . .

              Clip and Crunch

              Styling Salon and purveyor of Detroit’s best kettle pop corn.  

              (Must be able to multi-task)

Obituary . . .

Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro 4 years.

Condolences may be sent to all those little mares that won’t be getting his stud service.

Woodland Hills Park in Farmington Hills, Michigan has banned running.

Officials say it is a “Passive Park” designed for activities such as bird watching

Any squirrel caught scampering can be shot on sight.

Social Calendar. . .  

An official celebration in the Orange Bowl is in the planning stages to mark the anticipated death of Cuban President Fidel Castro.  Miami artists are busy working on the floats for the Dead Dictators Parade.

Truly, deeply, madly,

Ellen

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