The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  energetic
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Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – December 26, 2006

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What fresh Hell is this?

 Madamme Blabbette predicts in 2007:

-          An African family will adopt Nichole Ritchie, and fatten her up;

-          There will be a marked increase in solar flairs that will actually improve cell phone service;

-          The artist Christo will wrap 6000 rolls of duct tape around Rosie O’Donnell’s mouth.

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 Obituary . . .

James Brown, the godfather of soul, 73—the funeral will take place as soon as he stops kicking the lid off the casket.

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 AZERBIJAN is bidding to be the venue for a future Olympics. It’s committee has requested definitions of the words “beach” and “volleyball.”

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Good news . . . Cuban President Fidel Castro does not have cancer.

Bad news   . . . he will co-host with Kelly Ripa during Regis’ next vacation.

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 Truly, deeply, madly,

 

Ellen

The Daily BLAB!!  By Ellen Hildreth       December 23, 2006

 

What fresh Hell is this?

 
Yoko Ono’s driver, Koral Karsen was jailed for threatening to kill her, unless she gave him $2 million – or started wearing a full face mask.  You can only take so much ugly in the rear View mirror.

 

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 Korangate . . .

Suggestions for some non-controversial books to be used for swearing in elected officials:

-          “See and Say A,B,Cs.”

-          “Using Your Mr. Coffee.”

-          “So You Want to be a Large Animal Vet.”

 
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Denver is digging out from two feet of snow.

Rosie O’Donnell is digging out from two feet of ka ka.

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 Proud Papa . . .

Wolfgang Puck and his fiancé welcomed his second son.  Wolfie cut the cord.

He used the “Wolfgang Puck Forever Sharp Steel Fish Filet Knife and Scalpel – as seen on TV.”

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 Obituary . . .

Joe Barbera, 95.  With his partner, Bill Hanna, he produced Yogi Bear and the Flintstones. 

His last project was to be a combination of Live action and animation: “Madonna Adopts Pebbles and Bam Bam.”

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 Happy first anniversary, to Elton John and David Furnish.

And happy second divorce to Eminem and Kim.

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 New book out, “Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook.”  It has 774 pages.

Zsa ZSa Gabor never wrote such a book.  But she always kept the home—twelve times, dahling.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

 

Ellen

 

 

The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – December 19, 2006
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What fresh Hell is this?

Three unreported reasons Kentucky's Tara Conner was dethroned as Miss USA by Donald Trump:

-  She was photographed at Studio 54 popping zits for distance;
-  She wore opera length rubber gloves;
-  She carried a corn cob into the ladie's room at the Four Seasons.

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James Bond, a penguin and Mel Gibson walk into a bar . . .
I see a blockbuster film script here.

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The Hajj: the Calgary Stampede with humus.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

Ellen

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  chillin'
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Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

The Daily BLAB !! By Ellen Hildreth -- December 14, 2006

 

What fresh Hell is this? 

"The View" is turning into the La Brea Tar Pits of  talk shows. What disgusting piece of crud will float to the surface today?

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 A huge solar flare caused severe disruptions to communications world wide. It might just have been Oprah Winfrey's reaction when she heard that Kitty Kelly was planning an unauthorized bio of  the Big O.

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The daughter of Britain's Princess Anne, Zara Phillips is embarrassing the royal family by appearing in an ad for automaker Land Rover--chasing it and nipping at the tires.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

Ellen 

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: What fresh Hell is this?
Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

The Daily Blab !! By Ellen Hildreth December 12, 2006

What fresh Hell is this?

Arrving in stores in March:

"The M" by Madonna--a line of clothing and accessories.  You might want to oil your T & A before trying them on ladies. Lotta leather. 

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The seven Discovery shuttle astronauts begin a week of construction work aboard the International Space Station.  Got those orange cones floating around.

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Obituary . . . 

The world's oldest person, 116 year old Elizabeth Bolden of Memphis Tenn. She is survived by 40 grandchildren; 75 great grandchildren; 150 great-great grandchildren; 220 great-great-great grandchildren; and 75 great-great-great-great grandchildren.  She will have an honor guard of every pediatrician and toy store owner in Memphis.

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Truly, deeply, madly

Ellen 

 

 

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: What fresh Hell is this?
Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

 The Daily Blab !! By Ellen Hildreth - December 11, 2006

 

What Fresh Hell is This

New York is the first city to ban trans-fats in restaurants.

If Divine was not dead already; this would kill her.

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New pictures show that there could be water on Mars.

Great!--Carnival Cruise flu on another planet.

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Mary Cheney, the Vee-pee’s daughter and her partner are expecting a baby.

Mary, however is the only One expecting stretch marks.

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An e-coli outbreak has taco Bell removing green onions from its restaurants.

I’ve seen some of their ladies rooms and onions ain’t the only thing green and growing bacteria.

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Truly, deeply, madly

 
Ellen

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  amorous
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The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – December 6, 2006

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Celebrity Christmas Wish Lists:

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton wish every limo mini bar had botox dispensers.

Madonna wishes her next adopted African baby has his own diamond mine and leather harness.

 Lindsey Lohan wishes for new vanity license plates saying “IM SOBURR.”

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 The tap dancing penguins were number one at the box office again; prompting Mel Gibson to announce his new project “Passion of the Lord of the Wolves.”

 
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Latest WWE WrestleMania match up . . .

Clay Aikin and Rosie O’Donnell vs. Michael Richards and Kelly Ripa.  

 
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75 year old actor Rip Torn was arrested in North Salem N.Y. for driving while inebriated. 

Rip was ripped.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

 

Ellen

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: What fresh Hell is this?
Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – December 3, 2006
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What fresh Hell is this?

New Game – “CIRCUMSCISION” (from the makers of “OPERATION”)
Cut off Michael Richard’s foreskin again and again as it magically regrows.

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Other new Toys for Christmas:

- “Smother Me Elmo” – One of the charming hosts of “The View” clamps her hand over Elmo’s mouth until he spits out polyester fiberfill.

- “Where in the world is Danny Divito?” where Tiny Danny wanders around your living room, looking for a couch.

- “Robert Downey Jr. and the 12 pole dancing princesses”

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Possible reasons Fidel Castro has attended none of the events in Cuba to mark his 80th birthday

- Too much chocolate ENSURE  caused an embarrassing outbreak of zits;

- His ears are so clogged with hair, he hasn’t heard the invitations;

- Charo has refused to pop out of the birthday cake;

- He still owes Havana Chuck E. Cheese for his 75th birthday party.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

Ellen

The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – November 24, 2006
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Michigan Deer Make-over
What fresh Hell is this?
On the November ballot, in Michigan, a proposal to legalize the hunting of mourning doves was soundly defeated.
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The Carnival cruise ship Liberty arrives in Florida with 700 sick passengers.  The poop deck really was.
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The pundits offer options to end the war in Iraq -- Go Big. Go Long. Go Home.  
It is this, or the one added by President Bush – Go Potty.
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A former KGB spy was poisoned in a London sushi restaurant.  Someone should have told him that the only thing more dangerous than British food is Japanese/British food.
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An infertility study conducted by the Cleveland Clinic found that men who spent four or more hours a day on the cell phone had lower sperm counts.
Three words – GET A LIFE.
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Sophia Loren, 72, is posing in skimpy underwear for an Italian calendar.
She’s looking good . . . till March sags into April.
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There was a national Nurse-In at Delta Airlines terminals to protest their treatment breast feeding mothers.  
There were 6 thousand moms, and 12 thousand pervs with binoculars.
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Debuting this holiday season . . .
New Hallmark Ornaments’ series: “It’s a Tom and Katie Christmas.”
Collect all the ex-wives and girlfriends.
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So, what do you think of the new James Bond?
In the famous words of Elaine Bennis: “Is he sponge-worthy?”
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Truly, deeply, madly,
Ellen

The Daily BLAB !!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: What fresh Hell is this?
Topic: NEWZ OF THE DAY

The Daily BLAB!! By Ellen Hildreth – November 19, 2006

What fresh Hell is this?

Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley is hospitalized in London. 

No “Happy Feet” for him.

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Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson told “Inside Edition” that she would like to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.”

If she were to do the paso doble; the bull would definitely win.

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Whoa! Tom Cruise almost missed his own wedding. 

He got out of the Rome PlayStation 3 line just in time.

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Recurring joke of the week: Miami Heat super-star Shaquille O’Neal will undergo knee surgery to repair torn cartilage.

No “Happy Feet” for him.

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The world’s largest toymaker, Mattel, has raised its dividend four years in a row.

Elmo, Barbie, and Bob the Builder are the new “Big Three.”   

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In a controversial decision, the FDA announced it has approved silicone breast implants again.

So all those popping sounds on New Year’s Eve may not be champagne corks.

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Truly, deeply, madly,

Ellen